Who was my best friend...

Nicole Shields

One day in my sophomore year of high school, I became extremely close to this girl. We had multiple classes together, and we bonded very well. She had been going through a tough time with friends, and lots of drama was happening within her friend group. She soon lost all of her friends due to this drama. I am someone who will go out of my way to make someone feel included and make them feel not alone. We became so close that she became my best friend.
It wasn’t until basketball season came around where things took a turn and really tested our friendship. I was on junior varsity and she was on varsity. Immediately, she thought she was above all the sophomores because she was the only one on varsity. One day, word got out that she had randomly started spreading rumors about me, telling the team that I make fun of them if they lose a game and how I don’t like practicing with them. None of this was true, but I didn’t know how to tell the team since they would obviously believe their teammate over me. This destroyed me mentally. I thought, “Where did I go wrong?” “What did I say for her to even say this?” etc. So many thoughts running through my head. Finally, I approached a small group of the varsity players and I said, “Listen, I know she has said some stuff, but I want you guys to know that I didn’t say anything, and I don’t know where she came up with that.” They started to believe me since I was friends with them, and they knew I was not a bad kid.
I was sitting in my room upset, so I decided to text her to confront her, but I found out that I was blocked on everything. The following day she decided to talk about me right in front of me. I turned around and said, “Next time you can just say it directly to me.” She immediately started cussing me out and I sat there trying not to cause a scene. My heart was beating, my palms were sweating, my face was red, and I felt like curling up into a ball and crying. The bell rang, and that was that.
A few weeks went by, and she tried to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened. I was not going to let that slide, but I am someone who hates drama, so I was civil with her. She unblocked me on everything. She thought we were best friends again. I thought the opposite.
We were in a smelly, old gym. I was in the corner where I could see the whole gym. I saw her in the corner of my eye walking toward me. My mood instantly changed. I immediately removed myself from that area because I was sick of her calling me her best friend one second and blocking me on everything the next.
Fast forward a year later, I was sitting in my shop filled with little chairs and little tables. My friends and I were at a table, and my teacher came from the room over and handed me an envelope, saying, “[Name] wanted me to give this to you.”
I was so confused, but I opened it and it was an invitation to her graduation party. Immediately, I knew I would not be attending someone's party after they treated me so poorly. For once I put myself first and decided that it was not a good idea to attend. Good for me, my best friend's party was the same day, so it was a perfect excuse. I texted her and told her I couldn’t attend, and she said, “Okay.” I tried texting her to tell her to have fun.
What did I find out? I was once again blocked. To this day I am still blocked.
I guess I will never know where I went wrong.
I still question myself…
Was I just dumb to not see why she lost all her friends?
Did I set myself up for all of this?
When will I find someone that I can call my best friend?

Nicole Shields is a 19 year old student from Saugus, MA. She is a sophomore in college and is in the early education field. She babysits three different families all ages range from 2-9. Nicole enjoys car rides, traveling, and hanging out with her friends. When she graduates college, her plan is to become a Kindergarten teacher.

Closeup on basketball in black" is marked with CC0 1.0.

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A magazine for teen writers—by teen writers. Under the Madness brings together student editors from across New Hampshire under the mentorship of the state poet laureate to focus on the experiences of teens from around the world. Whether you live in Berlin, NH, or Berlin, Germany—whether you wake up every day in Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, North or South America—we’re interested in reading you!